Through the looking glass

My life is not what it used to be. I've felt for a long time that I had nothing to say outside of my grief and so I said nothing. I'm not sure that was the best way to handle it, and so starting today I'm changing that. I have started another blog so that I can write specifically about what I'm feeling/thinking in regards to my darling sweet Lucas. I'm not putting those thoughts on this blog because for the first time I feel like I have things to write about that are outside the realm of grief and that's what I want this space to be. But maybe, there are some friends that are wondering what's going on in my head or how I'm holding up and if you want to you can head on over there and find out.

http://finallyandsoon.blogspot.com/

Thank you to everyone who've sent me their thoughts and love, I have been horrible at responding but that doesn't mean it's gone unnoticed. You've held me up and helped me more than you'll ever know. Through all of this I've been reminded of how lucky I am to be surrounded by so much love.

I am sick and tired

of being sick and tired. I am finishing up my 12th day of being sick, and I think I am finally starting to feel better. I am sure I would be feeling much better if I could sleep through the night, but I've had a really bad sore throat for 7 days now (it's not strep) which means I do not sleep through the night. I love sleep, but my recent sleep habits would not prove this fact, in fact they might suggest I actually hate sleeping and think it's a waste of time. But nope, that's how I feel about peeing.

Here's a weird thing I experienced while being sick. I went to the Student Health Center a couple of times and each time I was there someone sat RIGHT NEXT TO ME even though the rest of the lobby was empty. What? Why would someone do that? I mean, I know that not only sick people go in there, but I definitely look sick. A little better than death, but not much. So why, oh why would someone choose to sit next to me if there is an abundance of other seating options? I get annoyed when people sit right next to me on a regular day, but when I'm sick? I wanted to just be left alone. I should've breathed my nasty breath on them.

One thing I wish I could've had while sick was the eggnog my mom used to make me whenever I was sick.

Whoooopieeee

I've made a couple things here and there between these and that cake, but they weren't picture worthy. But then I found this recipe for Pumpkin Whoopie Pies and I not only wanted to try it, I wanted to document it. I only ran into one problem...not enough flour. So, I had to cut the recipe in half which is probably a good thing because that means there were only 6 for me to eat.

Mmm....pumpkin, and sugar, and spices! Oh my!

Yes, the batter was delicious. I have to taste it to make sure it's worth baking.

This was the stuff for the yummy filling.

All finished and put together. I'm not sure this picture does them justice. They were sooooo Yummy and pumpkin-y and soft. The only downside is that each one is like eating two cookies at once. So really instead of only eating 6 it was like eating 12. But they tasted like fall so I had to do it.

I got my shoes tied tight...I hope I don't get in a fight

Well, school started again. So far this quarter has really kicked my butt, then flipped over my twitching body and pummeled me in the stomach with an added bonus kick in the head. It's been awesome.

I'm not even finished with my second week yet, and I'm already about 100 pages behind on my reading. Which might not sound like a big deal, but it'll add up REALLY fast if I don't take control of it soon and stop letting it get the best of me.

Here is something new for me: I've spoken up in my Psychology of Women class multiple times already. The last time I said something I even managed to get through it without turning turnip red. I was so proud of myself. I guess maybe I finally realized that I might as well speak up, other people do and they usually sound like idiots. I might think too highly of myself but I'm like 99% sure I do not sound like an idiot when I speak up in class.

Mmmmm....

I've decided to try a new hobby. Baking. So far I've really only made one thing but that's only because I can't have more than one dessert in my house at one time. I'm already eating this cake* for breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner, late night snack (what? Don't act like that's too much snacking.) Here is me trying to fit the entire cake into my mouth...

it didn't work. Which is why I'm forced to eat it sliver by sliver (calories don't count if you don't put the cake on a plate) until it's gone. There is not very much left. I figure I will easily finish the rest of it today which means tomorrow I can bake something else just in time for my sisters to get here. (Yahoo! Sisters!)

Anyhow, I am now on the hunt for my next recipe to try and I'm getting a little annoyed. Why do so many desserts have to be tainted with walnuts? I know I could probably just leave them out but I judge things based on how they look, and if there is a picture of a dessert with walnuts in it I just keep on moving. Nuts are not welcome in my desserts, they don't belong there and I get irritated when people try to force me to have some protein with my sweets.

I'm not a picky eater. In terms of foods I don't like it's now down to: beets. I think they taste like dirt, I don't care how pretty they are I won't eat them. That's it. Just beets, otherwise I'm really easy to please and will try anything (as long as it's not burn my taste-buds off spicy.) However when it comes to dessert I am very picky. I don't like chocolate ice cream, hot fudge, cookie dough ice cream, any sort of anything with nuts in it, carrot cake (again-don't try to disguise something healthy as a treat), or anything cherry flavored. See? Kinda picky, but if I'm going to indulge in dessert then I feel it's okay to be picky about what deciding what to eat.

I'm on the hunt...I'm sure I'll let you know what I make, and if you want some of it you'd better be quick about it.

*This cake is a white cake with added bonus yumminess of instant vanilla pudding, 7-up, and other cake stuff. It's also a homemade frosting, which looks more like a glaze because I got impatient (what, me? impatient? never.) and tried to frost the cake before it was completely cool.

Awe Crap She did it again

I am having a very hard time this morning reconciling the fact that one of my very favorite things (Glee) is going to be featuring one of my least favorite things (Britney Spears). I've never been a Britney fan in fact I'll admit, I really can't stand her. When I was dancing for the Lumberjax we learned a routine to "Womanizer" and I just couldn't get behind dancing to one of her songs, so I didn't. Anytime that routine was performed I sat it out, trying to just focus on the cute girls dancing and not the bad synthesized voice blaring out the speakers.

I've successfully avoided her for the most part until now. I know it's still a week away but I'm already feeling very conflicted. On the one hand, I REALLY don't want to watch Britney; on the other hand I'm positive the Glee kids will sing her songs better than she ever did. On the one hand, Britney makes my skin crawl; on the other hand I'm sure Sue will have some priceless one liners that I don't want to miss. The list of pros and cons is longer than that, but I think you get the idea; I take Glee way too seriously, I just can't help it.

A day in the life

I procrastinate. Did you know that about me already? I'm sure you did, it's really no surprise. I have every intention at the start of anything to be all over it, not wait until the last minute, be super organized and prepared. I don't know what goes wrong, it's almost as if thinking about it doesn't matter at all.

Let's take, for example, today. I have been telling myself ALL summer that I need to be reviewing French. Did I? Absolutely not. I am going to be starting my second year of French in one week and I would like to start it feeling like I took the first year of French and actually learned something from it. I now am going to have to somehow review an entire years worth of learning into one week! I've split the book into sections and have given myself a certain number of chapters to review each day so I can be done by the weekend. And yet, what am I doing? Writing on the internet about how I need to be studying. Why? Because that seemed like a lot more fun. Fun always wins out for a procrastinator.

I justify my behavior by telling myself that I actually work best under pressure. But to be honest I don't really know if that is true or not because it's the only way I've ever done things. All my choreography gets done at the last minute, the papers I write usually aren't finished until minutes before class - allowing just enough time to print, laundry isn't done until I absolutely can't find anything clean (I will never run out of underwear I have about a trillion pairs), packing doesn't get finished until it's practically time for departure...I think you get the idea.

This seems to work for me though. People seem to like my choreography (unless everyone has gotten together and agreed to lie to me), my papers almost always come back with an A at the top, and as far as I know I've never been the "stinky girl in class."

Some people were meant to be organized, I am not one of those people. Often I wish I were but it's just so much easier to be who I am.