What kind of things do we "get away" with on a daily basis? Little things, big things, things in between...it doesn't matter all of us have lied/fibbed/tricked our ways into (or out of) situations. I can't say that I personally have done anything as large scale as any of the features on this weeks pod club pick but it did make me think of all the little ways over my life I've gotten away with something. And also the feelings that go along with it. Sometimes being able to pull something off feels amazing - like back in high school when I was supposed to be grounded until after the New Year but got to have a friend spend the night over Christmas break BEFORE new years eve. We felt like rock stars - even though, now that I'm older and can look back I'm sure my parents knew what they were doing and decided I'd been grounded long enough (since August) and had listened to enough of my whining and complaining. At the time though I really felt like I'd pulled one over on my parents and it was AWESOME! Or when I was a poor college student and would buy One student ticket for a movie but sneak into two or three - Extra movies for the price of One? Fantastic feeling! Or how about getting hired to be a choreographer for a show choir when I've never done anything like that before but faking my way through and realizing I pulled it off? Feels freakin' brilliant!
But, I think there can be another feeling that can come after you make it through a situation unscathed, a feeling of being an impostor. I can recall feeling that way a few times, like when getting a paper back with an "A" on top after just throwing it together last minute, or like when I tried out for Boise State's dance team out of peer pressure and then made it...I felt like an impostor for a year and half basically or in a really bad example when I used "translate" while writing french papers...definitely an impostor french writer here.
I've gotten away with a lot of little things over the years, some in-between things, and maybe I have some big things to get away with left in my future...
10/26/12
10/22/12
Pod Club: Getting Away With It
When I first started listening to podcasts This American Life was one of the first that I subscribed to, I went back into the archives and listened to hours and hours of Ira Glass introducing story after story. So I'm happy that we have picked the newest episode to listen to and discuss for pod club this week.
Stories of people breaking the rules fully, completely and with no bad consequences. Some justify this by saying they're doing it for others, or for a greater good, some. Some really don't care. And, unlike the mealy weaklings you usually hear on this program: None of these wrongdoers seem regretful about what they've done in the slightest.
Are you intrigued? I am. Let's go listen...
10/21/12
You need plays
Dear Diary,
Today was Saturday 5, 1991. Today I woke up and made pankaces it very fun. Then we cleaned the downstairs, and we had to clean our rooms. Then nothing happened until 4:05 when Chauntel got to come over. I forgot I had a game today at 10:10 but I tell you about it now we played the other Highlands team. They won 23-4! Me and Holly are the only good ones on the team! Our coach is such an airhead! I don't think he knows that to Basketball you need plays! He's so stupid. I HATE him so much.
See ya,
Jill
Oh boy, I was one of the only good ones on the team? Well then it's no wonder we lost by such a wide margin. In fact it's a wonder we scored at all, that must have been all Holly since we can all assume the coach had nothing to do with it because he was clearly an airhead.
Today was Saturday 5, 1991. Today I woke up and made pankaces it very fun. Then we cleaned the downstairs, and we had to clean our rooms. Then nothing happened until 4:05 when Chauntel got to come over. I forgot I had a game today at 10:10 but I tell you about it now we played the other Highlands team. They won 23-4! Me and Holly are the only good ones on the team! Our coach is such an airhead! I don't think he knows that to Basketball you need plays! He's so stupid. I HATE him so much.
See ya,
Jill
Oh boy, I was one of the only good ones on the team? Well then it's no wonder we lost by such a wide margin. In fact it's a wonder we scored at all, that must have been all Holly since we can all assume the coach had nothing to do with it because he was clearly an airhead.
10/19/12
Fear Thy Nature
Do you ever find yourself behaving or reacting differently based on the people you are around, the situation you are in, or what is expected of you? I know that I, for one, do it all the time. I think it's only natural and almost impossible not to. I couldn't act the same way around the kids I teach dance to as I do around my friends, for example, it would be inappropriate and I probably wouldn't have my job for very long. I also wouldn't act the same way I do at someone else's house as I do at my own, environments dictate what is or isn't acceptable behavior. Our own personal awareness of these changes isn't always necessary, we seem to just know how to behave in any given situation, we've learned over the years what should be done, what shouldn't be done and how to tell the difference. Society gives us rules and we follow them but I don't think it's a bad thing, social rules and cues are necessary and good for everyone.
I am not really going to be touching on the subject of Speak No More, as it is I think almost too much has been said in the podcast from this week about what happens in that production. It's something I first heard about from New York BFF and still have a desire to go see, although I do wish I still knew almost nothing about it. What I want to touch on from that portion of the discussion is the idea that everyone is given "rules" to follow once they enter, some people follow and some do not. I would be a follower of the rules. It makes me very uncomfortable as a grown-up person to knowingly break rules that are given to me. Back in my teenage years I loved breaking rules just to see if I could get away with it...but maybe the stakes are raised now on what will happen if I am caught breaking a rule and I just can't do it. So, I know, I would follow those rules to the letter and I would be very anxious that anyone I was with did exactly the same.
But, this same quality in myself also gives me some concern when it came to the portion of the podcast where they were talking about the experiments that were conducted testing to see how far someone would go when given a role to play. I didn't take note of the person talking saying they didn't believe in experiments like Zimbardo's Stanford Prison Experiment, but I found him to be quite contradictory of himself. He says he doesn't believe that that is human nature to treat people like this and to jump to those extremes but he also says that he believes people will act in one way in a psychological experiment and in another way in an experiment conducted by an economist based on what the subject thinks the person giving the experiment wants. If the prison guards in Zimbardo's experiment believed they were to act out a prison scene and Zimbardo was looking for extremes in human behavior than I think that's probably what those people did, but that is human nature. I don't believe they were TOLD to be cruel, they chose to be cruel because they felt, perhaps, that the person in authority was looking for that. However if the person in authority, the one conducting the experiment was a pacifist then the experiment would have probably turned out much differently. But, I think this only goes to show how much people depend on cues from those around them...are you being told to stop? no, then keep going...are you being rewarded for your behavior? no, then try something new, more extreme...etc.
I guess here is what it comes down to for me, and it's a very serious subject so it's difficult for me to find words to properly express myself so I'm just doing the best I can. Part of my heritage is of German descent. What if I was someone else in my timeline and I grew up in Germany where my leaders were telling me that it was against the law to aid Jews, that it was actually lawful to turn them in...what would I have done? Would that have made me a fundamentally bad person? Do I believe that all of those German soldiers who helped in rounding up those innocent people and then helped in running concentration camps and then who did unspeakable things to people were inherently evil? I don't believe that, I think that a lot of them were following their leader, doing what they were told, not thinking about what that meant - does that excuse their actions, not to me but it does help me understand how they could have gotten there. And it makes me wonder, it makes me wonder about my affinity for following the rules and it makes me hope that I will have some fight in me if suddenly the rules stop making sense.
Did you listen this week? What were your reactions? Are you a rule follower or do you find joy in breaking the rules given? I'd love to know...and then I'd love for you to join me in finding out what fellow pod club listeners Rachael and Leah had to say on the subject.
I am not really going to be touching on the subject of Speak No More, as it is I think almost too much has been said in the podcast from this week about what happens in that production. It's something I first heard about from New York BFF and still have a desire to go see, although I do wish I still knew almost nothing about it. What I want to touch on from that portion of the discussion is the idea that everyone is given "rules" to follow once they enter, some people follow and some do not. I would be a follower of the rules. It makes me very uncomfortable as a grown-up person to knowingly break rules that are given to me. Back in my teenage years I loved breaking rules just to see if I could get away with it...but maybe the stakes are raised now on what will happen if I am caught breaking a rule and I just can't do it. So, I know, I would follow those rules to the letter and I would be very anxious that anyone I was with did exactly the same.
But, this same quality in myself also gives me some concern when it came to the portion of the podcast where they were talking about the experiments that were conducted testing to see how far someone would go when given a role to play. I didn't take note of the person talking saying they didn't believe in experiments like Zimbardo's Stanford Prison Experiment, but I found him to be quite contradictory of himself. He says he doesn't believe that that is human nature to treat people like this and to jump to those extremes but he also says that he believes people will act in one way in a psychological experiment and in another way in an experiment conducted by an economist based on what the subject thinks the person giving the experiment wants. If the prison guards in Zimbardo's experiment believed they were to act out a prison scene and Zimbardo was looking for extremes in human behavior than I think that's probably what those people did, but that is human nature. I don't believe they were TOLD to be cruel, they chose to be cruel because they felt, perhaps, that the person in authority was looking for that. However if the person in authority, the one conducting the experiment was a pacifist then the experiment would have probably turned out much differently. But, I think this only goes to show how much people depend on cues from those around them...are you being told to stop? no, then keep going...are you being rewarded for your behavior? no, then try something new, more extreme...etc.
I guess here is what it comes down to for me, and it's a very serious subject so it's difficult for me to find words to properly express myself so I'm just doing the best I can. Part of my heritage is of German descent. What if I was someone else in my timeline and I grew up in Germany where my leaders were telling me that it was against the law to aid Jews, that it was actually lawful to turn them in...what would I have done? Would that have made me a fundamentally bad person? Do I believe that all of those German soldiers who helped in rounding up those innocent people and then helped in running concentration camps and then who did unspeakable things to people were inherently evil? I don't believe that, I think that a lot of them were following their leader, doing what they were told, not thinking about what that meant - does that excuse their actions, not to me but it does help me understand how they could have gotten there. And it makes me wonder, it makes me wonder about my affinity for following the rules and it makes me hope that I will have some fight in me if suddenly the rules stop making sense.
Did you listen this week? What were your reactions? Are you a rule follower or do you find joy in breaking the rules given? I'd love to know...and then I'd love for you to join me in finding out what fellow pod club listeners Rachael and Leah had to say on the subject.
Good Idea?
Did you know:
We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth. - Virginia Satir, Family Therapist
Anyone want to come here and hug me? I'm not even making the "survival" minimum right now, unless you count cats and I don't think you can since they don't actually hug me back.
10/18/12
Good for 33
Here's a little story for you, let me set it up: I was about a block away from the studio, wearing 12 year old black jazz pants (nope I'm not exaggerating), a long striped shirt, and a grey cardigan. Headphones in - finishing up choreography for classes. I was getting ready to cross the street when I noticed a guy jump out of a car that had just turned in front of me and started walking towards me. I was thinking he was going to ask me for directions or a light for a cigarette (those are the requests I get most often) but instead this happened:
Boy: Can I get your number
I stopped, in the middle of the street, and stared up at him (he was quite tall) sort of in shock because that was not what I was expecting. Then quickly I tried to figure out how I was going to let this nice boy down without being mean or having to hurt anyone's feelings. Then I realize...
Me: (with a smile) How old are you?
Boy: Twenty
Me: I'm thirty three, I might be a little old for you.
Boy: Really?
Me: Yep, but thank you for the compliment!
Boy: (as he's walking away) You look really good for 33.
Me: Thanks!
I have to say this short interaction made my day, probably my week, and maybe even next week as well.
Boy: Can I get your number
I stopped, in the middle of the street, and stared up at him (he was quite tall) sort of in shock because that was not what I was expecting. Then quickly I tried to figure out how I was going to let this nice boy down without being mean or having to hurt anyone's feelings. Then I realize...
Me: (with a smile) How old are you?
Boy: Twenty
Me: I'm thirty three, I might be a little old for you.
Boy: Really?
Me: Yep, but thank you for the compliment!
Boy: (as he's walking away) You look really good for 33.
Me: Thanks!
I have to say this short interaction made my day, probably my week, and maybe even next week as well.
10/15/12
Pod Club: Fear Thy Nature
Sorry for the late posting today but better late than never right? You still have plenty of time to join in for the week. The podcast picked for this week is from a few weeks ago and is only slightly over a half hour. If you've been waiting for a shorter to podcast to join in with, here it is.
I promise this is worth a listen and I bet it also causes you to have some thoughts about your actions.
The episode is about how profoundly human behavior is influenced not only by our inner bearing but by our outer circumstances.
I promise this is worth a listen and I bet it also causes you to have some thoughts about your actions.
This past week our pod club expanded by one to include Rachael's sister Leah. Please go read what she had to say about last week's podcast and stay tuned to read both their insights later in the week. As always I encourage you to play along and then write somewhere (here in a comment, on your very own blog, on someone else's blog...) what you're thinking feeling about what we listen to.
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