How do you wish?

Do you wish upon a star, do you wait for the clock to read 11:11 and then wish upon the time, do you hold your breath through tunnels silently repeating your wish over and over until you are through, do you pick a dandelion and scatter the seeds with your wish into the breeze, or do you (like me) do all of these things as often as possible?

I've always been a "wisher" and a firm believer in never telling anyone what I've wished for, especially over birthday candles. Those wishes only happen once a year, they are extra special. Never mind the fact that none of my wishes have actually come true, I still make them and I still believe that they are out there somewhere figuring out how to come back and make all my dreams come true. They're just waiting for the right time, I mean to come true right after I wished for them would be a little too obvious don't your think? Wishes have to be more subtle than that.

I'm not sure what got me thinking about wishes today, but I keep finding little ways to make them and if I could share them with you I would. But I can't, otherwise they will know and they'll never come true.

On being Awesome

Something I've had for a while now, started with good friend Stephanie, is my "I'm Awesome List." The theory behind this is simple, it's a list of all the reasons for which I am Awesome. For some reason it's easier to believe the negative words that are hurled at us either from ourselves, others, or even the media. So anytime I actually start believing those things I can reference my "Awesome List" and remind myself of all the good things I bring to the table.
Last week during my "adult" contemporary class (adult in quotation marks because all the people in class that day were high school age) I stopped to have a chat with my students about confidence and self-esteem. The dance we were doing required a certain level of badassness and ferociousness; I could tell these girls were a little scared of what I was asking of them so I took myself back to what if felt like being me at that age and realized what I was asking them to do was bigger than just dancing. I told them all about my theory on creating an "Awesome List" and told them they should all create one. We danced for a little longer and then I let them go. This week they were noticeably better at the dance, part of this can be contributed to being more familiar to the music but I could tell it was more that that. So I checked in with them, and sure enough almost all of them had gone home to create a "reasons why I'm Awesome" list. I was so proud and inspired.

I was inspired to revisit my Awesome list, to recreate one for myself soooo.....Here it is for you, my friends, my Awesome List

I'm Awesome Because...

• I dance
• I have blue eyes
• I have cute feet
• I love to read
• I'm easily entertained
• I'm funny
• My laugh
• My ability to enjoy a nap
• I have lots of cute shoes that I can walk in (most of the time)
• I have strong legs
• I have curly/wavy hair
• I love to love
• I'm forgiving
• I'm loyal
• I love brownies and cake and cookies
• I love to eat sushi even the raw stuff
• I enjoy music
• I like to write
• I have a crown tattoo
• I knit
• I like to craft
• I love camping
• My daydreams are awesome
• My cats are cute (how does that NOT make me awesome?)
• I give good hugs

Hmmm....that's where I'm at for now. As you can see anything goes on an "I'm Awesome List" add anything you'd like that you like about yourself. Now go...Go make one for yourself.

Sell Out

I don't have a DVR (or cable), so at night when I get home and I want to unwind I am at the mercy of live television. Or I suppose I could watch one of my movies but I try to reserve those for the weekends when there is absolutely nothing on T.V. Tuesday nights are bleak nights of entertainment for me, I don't get home until after 9pm which also limits what I can watch. There is a new(ish) show on NBC called Fashion Star and it's not that great but I watch it every week because it's either that or Dancing with the Stars and since I am anti that show I really only have one choice.
I feel like the only purpose for this show is to boost consumer consumption. It's like one long advertisement to buy clothes at either Macy's, Saks, or H&M. Unlike the show Project Runway where the focus is on the designers and their journey the focus on FS is on the buying of these items. Each "bought" item is available for sale online immediately following the show and in stores the next day. I checked it out sometime last week to see what they were selling for....it was not cheap. It was not even reasonable. Granted, my range of what I consider a "reasonable" price range is super low but even so...these prices were HIGH. And they were sold out. SOLD. OUT. NBC is doing their part to boost the economy one piece of fashion at a time.

Cute skirt right?
cost: $350!

Like a Proud Mama

Falcon Fever Dance Team

Moving back to Kennewick nine months ago was not the easiest choice to make. I felt at the time it was what I needed to do so I went through with it; over and over again I am shown that not only was it what I needed to do but that it was the best possible choice to make. There are so many things in my life right now that I couldn't have gotten any place else.

This weekend those girls up there in that picture, those beautiful girls, danced their hearts out and I was so very very proud to be a part of it. I ran the gamut of emotions during competition but the one that never left me was pride. And because the season is now over I do not feel bad sharing the videos of them dancing. (links to the dances are at the bottom with the times.)

On a side note, I fell down the stairs. I have a huge scrape down my shin which will surely turn into a gigantic bruise as well since it's tender basically from knee to ankle. Luckily only a couple hundred people were around to bear witness. Moments like that are why I don't feel guilty at all when I laugh at other people falling, I have given the world more than my fair share of "point and laugh at her" moments.



Kick Routine - They start at 3:27:00. They were given third place for this routine. I believe however that they deserved first, not because third is bad but because I truly feel they out-danced and out-performed their competition. We'll come back and get 'em next year!

Jazz/Lyrical Routine - Starts at about :44 minutes. This is where the magic happens, after watching it I think you'll agree that the judges should've come up with something higher than first place to award them.

These shoes weren't made for walkin'

Here is a story about something that sounded like a good idea but turned out to be a very, very bad idea...

Today I woke up, looked outside and on the ground was....wait for it....snow. Yup, March 22nd and snow was on the ground. I wanted to write a letter to Mother Nature reminding her that snow is decidedly "winter weather" and since Spring has officially begun the use of snow is no longer appropriate but I don't have her address. So instead I decided to revolt by getting myself nice and bronzed in a mystic tanning booth. I prepped my skin, got it all exfoliated then refused to put on an ounce of lotion and headed to practice an hour early so I would have plenty of time just in case there were others out there feeling the same way as I and there was a long wait. As it turns out, there was not a wait, no paperwork to fill out, I got in - got out and had a lot of time to fill.
By this time the weather (which has obvious problems with bi-polar disorder) was in the mid 50's, no wind and sunny. I figured that since I had time to spare I would walk the rest of the way out to the high school; I would spend my time getting some (light) exercise and soak in some extra sun along the way. Win-Win right? Wrong. Here is what I failed to take into account, or more accurately, took into account but promptly dismissed because I figured "how bad could it really be?": New shoes. Not tennis shoes, not even any shoes with socks, but these shoes --

Ooooh they're so Cute and I lurve them.

I also underestimated how far I was from the school, I knew that these were not the shoes to be walking in for very long but I thought...really how far could I be? TWO miles, I was two miles away. By the time I made it to practice I had eight, that's right EIGHT blisters on my feet. One of which was red, do you want to know why? You guessed it...blood.
Now, here I am at the end of the night, and the end of my story, feet slathered in neosporin and covered with band-aids, wishing I could go back to this morning when I decided those shoes were the right choice for today. Wishing for the chance instead to put on a cushy pair of socks inside a cushy pair of tennis shoes.

I'd purr if I could

My plan for today was to walk to the grocery store but when I woke up it was drizzly and grey outside and my house seemed to say "stay inside, there is nothing you need so badly as to leave me today." My house was right, I did not really NEED anything out in that cold grey world so instead I've stayed inside and read, plus I also took a long hot shower. I'll have to leave in a few hours to go teach dance but by then my house will probably need a break from me anyhow. 

Days like this serve as reinforcement to my belief that I possibly would make a better cat than human. I'm an expert at taking naps, I love cuddling while taking said naps or just for general cuddles, I am temperamental but loyal to those who take care of me, I love snacks and treats throughout the day either before a nap or as a reward to a good nap or night of sleep, and I am particularly fond of patches of sunlight. 

I like games

I got tagged by sister Gina, and even though I know I don't HAVE to do it, I like things like this. So here it goes...

Here are the rules:

1. Post these rules.

2. Post a photo of yourself and 11 random things.

3. Answer the questions set for you in the original post.

Channeling my inner Rock Star

1. I have to fall asleep watching T.V. If there isn't something on to distract my mind I'll lay in bed forever with my mind reeling.

2. I hate beets and cooked carrots. All other foods I like, even raw fish on sushi (YUM!)

3. Sometimes when I'm supposed to be getting ready or cleaning I get distracted when a good song comes on and I find myself dancing around instead of doing what I should be.

4. It makes my eyes bleed when people use "you're" and "your" incorrectly (along with all the other misspellings out there). This is happening more and more on the internet...on posters and pictures and random sites and I wish I could anonymously contact them and tell them that what they're (not "their") saying is nonsense.

5. About one day a week I need an entire day at home in my house doing nothing. It makes me feel ready to do all the other things I do.

6. I used to say I would never ever have pets. Never. And now I have two cats.

7. I am very easily entertained, so if I find something boring it probably means it is SUPER boring. 

8. I have a difficult time making decisions. The smaller the decision the more difficult it is for me to make.

9. It's really hard for me to get rid of things. Clothes, papers, shoes...anything. I hold on to things and when I try to get rid of something I wind up thinking "but what if I need/want this someday but I've gotten rid of it?" That thought terrifies me so the things get put back away.

10. I like having my fingernails painted. It makes me feel fancy. But I'm not good about removing the polish once it starts to chip which looks the opposite of fancy.

11. I don't like wearing shorts, even when it's 100 degrees outside. I'm making it a goal for this summer to try to make myself wear shorts in public, to force myself to get over it.

1.What is your favorite day of the week?

Monday. I know most people hate Mondays but I get to go to practice and teach contemporary so I love it!

2.If you could pick an actress to play you in a movie of your life who would it be?

Reese Witherspoon. I think she's cute and funny and not super hollywood-y. She seems pretty down to earth with a little quirkiness.  

3.What did you want to be when you were a child? (ex. I wanted to be a power ranger when I grew up)

I always wanted to be a teacher, but I think I also probably wanted to be a movie star a little bit.

4. What is your favorite book and why?

This is too hard for me to answer. I have too many favorites for lots of reasons. But I think I'll go with the "Harry Potter" series as a whole. I never get tired of them, not only are they a good story but they have a lot of good lessons about life and friendship in there too. They always warm my heart and make me cry.

6.Would you rather have your flight delayed or lose your luggage?

Flight delayed. Having a delayed flight is just more time to sit and read which is what I'd probably be doing anywhere. Lost luggage means lost things...things I'm attached to. I would hate that.

7.What celebrity do you want to meet most?

Tori Amos. I've always wanted to meet her and yet I'm afraid that if I actually did I would just stand there staring at her dumbfounded. I've had dreams about meeting her, becoming friends with her and they were awesome. OR If Adam Levine would like to dump his model girlfriend and marry  me I would dump Tori and pick him instead.

8.What is your favorite tv show?

Like I said before, I am easily entertained so this is a long list of "favorites": 30 Rock, Modern Family, Cougar Town, Parks and Rec, and then of course....So You Think You Can Dance!!!!

9.What’s one thing from your bucket list that you want to do next?

I don't have a long bucket list. I think I decided on trying to go to the Gorge to see a concert...not very exciting? Fine, another thing on my list is sky diving but that's expensive so if someone wants to sponsor my bucket list I'm ready.

10.Who is your hero?

I've said I'm not good at making decisions right? So you're prepared for another list of people where only one was asked for? Good. I'll start with my Grandpa and Papa, they were/are generous and kind, loving, forgiving, and made/make my family stronger. Which leads me into the rest of my family...there are things I admire and strive to be in every member of my family. I want to be like them when I grow up.

11.If you had the chance to go back to high school, Would you?

Oh hell to the no! Sometimes I have nightmares that I'm back in high school and they terrify me. I had a good time in high school but I've learned a lot since then and would never want to go back! 

I'll tag the people who I know read this who I would also like to learn some things about...Shannon and Rachael. But....if you read this and want to do it then TAG you're it too...just leave me a comment that you played so I can read what you wrote! I like learning things about people.

Simple

There is a new show called GCB, I watched it last Sunday and liked it (mostly because it has cute little Kristin Chenoweth but over all it was good enough to keep watching.) Later in the week I heard a man being interviewed on some national news program about how angry this show made him. He was on a tirade because it is based off of a book called "Good Christian Bitches" and the fact that the word "christian" was in association with the word "bitches" really turned him on his head. He would like this show to be taken off air, for people to feel ashamed to watch it, and if people aren't ashamed to watch it then they are not good people. Now, admittedly he has never watched the show personally, he's far too manly for shows like this but he can tell just from the abbreviations of the title that it is sinful.

I have issues with this. Lets start with the little one and I'll work myself up to the bigger one. First off, I have known many, and I do mean MANY people who are supposedly good Christians who are some of the bitchiest, most judgmental people ever. To say you are Christian does not automatically make you a good person and being non-christian does not make you a bad person. Likewise, I think that everyone no matter what your religion is entitled to a little bitchiness from time to time, there's nothing wrong with that.

Now here is my bigger issue with what this man is doing. He doesn't like the show, yet somehow he feels it's within his rights to tell other people they should not be watching it. No one should be allowed to watch it because it goes against something in his moral fiber. How does this make sense? If he doesn't like it then he shouldn't watch it. Same with anyone else who may not like the show (or any other show out there) if you don't like it...don't watch it. Here is where my anger spins out of control, and off topic, because I feel like there are too many people out there making issues where there really should be no issue. This is a small example using a television show but what it makes me think of are all the people out there opposed to equal rights for gay people. They don't agree with gay marriage, they think marriage should only be between a man and a woman...so that's what those people should do, they should marry the opposite sex. Making marriage legal for anyone who wanted to get married would not change anything for heteros, not a thing. As someone who's had a hard time in love and finding my person I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with it makes me incredibly sad and angry that there are people out there willing to deny this right to human beings who have been able to find a love they just can't get enough of. If two people are lucky enough to find each other, be in love and they have a desire to pledge their love through marriage they should be able to do so.

In conclusion...if you don't like something then don't do it but don't try to tell other people how to live their lives. Everyone should be free to make their own choices and live their own lives.

Seems simple enough.

Seriously, I will scratch your eyes out

I haven't been dealing with my emotions. I've been shoving them down, deep, deep down and then distracting myself with as many things as possible so my mind is never free to wander into the danger zones. At any given moment when I am home there are at least two things happening and sometimes three. Between t.v., movies, books, the internet, music, and sometimes writing on here my brain is almost always completely occupied. I know at some point I will probably have to deal with all the things I'm ignoring right now but this has been working for me and I was even starting to feel better, more my regular self. At least up until tonight when I got a voicemail from the Ex. How is that guys seem to know just when the break in your heart is almost scabbed over? It's like they wait until you're feeling strong and then Kablooey! with one little phone call all that hard work shot down. Now it's all I can think about, my regular distractions aren't quite enough and I'm mad about it. It was his choice to not be in my life so why does he feel like he can waltz back in as if it's no big deal? I would like to scream at him, punch him in the face, rip out whatever's left of his heart, trample on his privates and then jump up and down on his bad ankle. Too mean? That's why instead I'm just going to do my best to NOT call him back and hopefully push everything back down to the subterranean levels of my brain.

Also perhaps moving on is the best option, which is why I'm going on a new date this Thursday. I'm excited about this one. I've still got my hopes up about the possibility of finding love. I believe that it can happen for me and that it can be for real and for the rest of my life. I have to believe in that. I've come back around to the idea of applying for shows on t.v. and even though the success rate is not super high I would be willing to try it out. I've looked into it before but never really went anywhere with it. Part of the reason is because the applications want me to talk a lot about myself, describing myself in all sorts of ways and I look at all of that and give up before even starting. This time I'm going to enlist the help of people in my life, and yes I'm including all of the internet (all 3 people who read this...Thanks friends!) So if you want to help me I would LOVE it, here are the applications for the shows I'm considering:
 CBS has a new dating show they're casting for called 3 - some of the questions on there I'm going to have to write myself because I doubt any one other than myself can say what my biggest fear is when it comes to dating.
Now for the big one: The Bachelor - yep even after all the craziness I have seen on that show I would still be willing to try it out because regular life dating hasn't been any better for me so why not try crazy town dating?

Most importantly I am ready to make-out with someone. It has been almost THREE years since I've kissed anyone other than the Ex and that is just unacceptable. UNACCEPTABLE!

So realistic

Girls in movies do it, girls in tv shows do it...yet I don't know if any girl in real life has actually pulled it off so smoothly... 

They wake up naked in bed, in any place other than their own house and need to go find whoever left them so rudely alone in bed. They roll out of bed while simultaneously grabbing the top sheet to cover them up, by the time they are standing they are covered and sexily wrapped.

Here are my issues with this scenario:
a) who actually has a top sheet on their bed?
b) if there is indeed a top sheet isn't there a comforter/quilt/blanket as well? and wouldn't said blanket be on top of the sheet thereby making it difficult to slide the sheet out by itself?
c) are there no clothes around for those girls to put on real quick like? like even a t-shirt from the person she was just in bed with?

Yes, I realize that movies and tv are NOT real life but that does not mean I can't get annoyed by it.

Where's the delete button for my mouth?

Sometimes I worry I say the wrong thing or a stupid thing and then I obsess over it for days and days. I think back over the words, hear how they sounded coming out of my mouth and regret it more and more and more. I even do this with emails, words I've typed out, words that I should have taken the time to think about before sending them out into the world. But, either way, they are words that can't be taken back or changed once they're set loose from my mouth (or fingers), once they are heard (or read) I must take responsibility for them. Did I sounds stupid, mean, rude, ridiculous? Probably all of those things at some point or another.

At this very  moment I am obsessing over an email I sent a couple nights ago, one that I haven't gotten a response back from yet and I'm wondering if it's because I offended the reader. Did I overstep my bounds? Do I need to send a follow up email to clear the air or say I'm sorry? I don't know...so instead I just rehash the words and consider all the different ways they could have been taken and used against me.

It's at times like this when I wish I could go back in time and stop myself before making a fool of myself, before doing this:

Though I doubt I look quite so cute with my foot in my mouth.

To Dance, Or not to dance....there really is no question

This morning I had a meeting with one of the owners of the studio I work at. This spring they are going to work/partner with the local symphony and chorus to put on a performance of Carmina Burana. They have asked me to choreograph/set a couple pieces for this performance. Now, because I myself have had to educate myself as to what exactly Carmina Burana is about so I do not expect anyone else to be like "oh yeah totally, I know all about that." Basically it's classical music with german/latin singing sometimes. They sing about things like the evils and pleasures of drinking, gluttony, gambling, lust and the fickle nature of fortune and wealth, as well as the joy and heavenly nature of life and love. Basically it covers a GIANT range of topics. The ballet is normally danced by people who look like this:

I, on the other hand, will be working with kids from the ages of 11-18 and mostly girls. My job is not to make them into the commonly performed version of the ballet but to do something new and exciting with them which I'm thrilled about. And since most of the audience will have absolutely NO idea that the subject matter they are dancing to is completely inappropriate it won't matter that they are just little babies.

Here is the part that scares the bejeezus out of me... (and yet I'm super excited/shocked/honored for the opportunity) they have asked me to do a solo. A solo. Of dancing. By myself. In front of people. I don't do solos, I dance with a team, surrounded by other beautiful ladies and yet I couldn't say no because the chance to dance and perform again sounds like a dream. A dream that can be made a reality. So even though I might possibly pee myself from nervousness before I go on stage I will be saying "thank you universe, thank you for putting this in my life."