I have a lot of insecurities. A lot. Some of them have been the same since I was 15 years old. I am now 31 and every day moving closer to 32. I think most of the time I try to present myself as a secure, self-confident girlwoman, but the fact is most of the time I'm just trying to convince myself hoping that one day it'll stick.

Every once in a while I get to have a moment that brings me closer to actually believing the things I tell myself over and over in hopes that repetition makes habit. But those moments are usually few and far between and the insecurities have such a hold on me that they easily trample down any feelings of security fairly easily.

So, in an effort to get them out there, in the hopes that acknowledging them will make them less scary here they are. My dirty little insecurities (this won't be pretty):

I worry that I am not good enough at the things I love to do. That my choreography is boring, I worry that people will stop coming to my classes to go to someone else's instead, that maybe the only reason they come to mine is because it works with their schedule, but they'd actually rather be at someone else's class instead.
I worry that even though I love to write and sometimes feel like I just HAVE to write or my mind will explode, I'm not nearly as good at getting my thoughts from head to paper/computer as most other people and my words fall flat, uninteresting and lifeless.
I worry that my friends are only my friends because I won't let them go. That maybe if I stopped making an effort they would gladly move on to find more interesting/fun people to replace me.
I worry that I took a wrong turn somewhere and the dreams I've had of my life and my happily ever after were at the end of different road. But this is not a "choose your own adventure" I can't just start my book over and try a different route this time.


Rachel said...

Jill, not sure if you know that I follow your blog but, I do from time to time and I quite enjoy your writings :) I think you're a wonderful person and very talented! I hope your insecurities melt away and all your dreams come true! You deserve it! Love ya!

Ms. Kyla said...

whenever I get like that I think, "What would Marcel think?"