I think I'd rather sit in time-out

I don't really know what started me on this line of thought this morning, but there I was in the shower thinking about how much I really don't like doing things wrong, or saying "I'm sorry." I've gotten better over the years at backing down when I know I should and admitting when I was wrong, but it still feels like a concession of my pride whenever I have to say sorry. Even when I know I was wrong. (I know, I know...it's a character flaw.) When I was little (but old enough to still remember this clearly) I would get sent to time-out when I did something naughty. Time-out was not in my own room (because that wouldn't have really been that bad. I had books and toys in my room) it was in my parents room; specifically on the brown chair in their room. I was told I needed to sit there and "think about what you've done until you can come out and say you're sorry." I won't go into detail about the delightful behavior that followed me getting sat in that chair but I will tell you that I usually ended up with a sore throat from all the delightfulness. Since I'm not still sitting on the brown chair in my parents room you know that eventually I would give in, march out, and apologize for whatever behavior had put me there in the first place. I don't get sent to time-out anymore for poor behavior, and it's probably a good thing because who knows how long I would sit in there now. I have not gotten any less stubborn over the years.

I also have not learned how to gracefully listen to someone tell me I did something wrong. I like to do things right the first time, and if I happen to make a mistake I would much rather people just ignore it until I can fix it. Being told I need to do something better or fix something I already did always makes me want to cry. I think it's why I refuse to learn new things...like how to ski or snowboard, play guitar, cook...or really any other hobby that other people might dabble at now and then. I tend to stick to things I know I'll be good at, because then people won't really see me make mistakes and I won't have to crawl under a rock and hide until the shame and embarrassment have passed.

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