I wait all year, and it's finally here!

Tomorrow I leave for Priest Lake for vacation with my family. I haven't packed yet, but that's no big surprise. I probably won't even start to pack until around 3 tomorrow, my train leaves at 4:45. But, I'm just packing for camping, how hard can it be? Sweats for the morning and night? Check. Swimsuits for all day? Check. Books? Check. Anything else is just bonus.

Every morning we get up and pull the chairs into the sunshine, we read facing the beautiful lake until it's warm enough to go out in said lake. The boys usually venture out sooner than the girls.

When it's warm enough for the girls we all grab floaty devices, paddle out to the buoys tie ourselves up and enjoy. Last year we started taking our books out there with us. We'd bundle them up in a plastic bag while we paddles out and then once we were situated, out came the books. We can stay out there for a long time when books are involved.

I love this vacation. I love the place, I love being with my family for a week, and I love that all we really have to do is...nothing. It always goes by way too fast.

I think I'd rather sit in time-out

I don't really know what started me on this line of thought this morning, but there I was in the shower thinking about how much I really don't like doing things wrong, or saying "I'm sorry." I've gotten better over the years at backing down when I know I should and admitting when I was wrong, but it still feels like a concession of my pride whenever I have to say sorry. Even when I know I was wrong. (I know, I know...it's a character flaw.) When I was little (but old enough to still remember this clearly) I would get sent to time-out when I did something naughty. Time-out was not in my own room (because that wouldn't have really been that bad. I had books and toys in my room) it was in my parents room; specifically on the brown chair in their room. I was told I needed to sit there and "think about what you've done until you can come out and say you're sorry." I won't go into detail about the delightful behavior that followed me getting sat in that chair but I will tell you that I usually ended up with a sore throat from all the delightfulness. Since I'm not still sitting on the brown chair in my parents room you know that eventually I would give in, march out, and apologize for whatever behavior had put me there in the first place. I don't get sent to time-out anymore for poor behavior, and it's probably a good thing because who knows how long I would sit in there now. I have not gotten any less stubborn over the years.

I also have not learned how to gracefully listen to someone tell me I did something wrong. I like to do things right the first time, and if I happen to make a mistake I would much rather people just ignore it until I can fix it. Being told I need to do something better or fix something I already did always makes me want to cry. I think it's why I refuse to learn new things...like how to ski or snowboard, play guitar, cook...or really any other hobby that other people might dabble at now and then. I tend to stick to things I know I'll be good at, because then people won't really see me make mistakes and I won't have to crawl under a rock and hide until the shame and embarrassment have passed.

Sweet Valley High (this post has nothing to do with those books....seeing as I was not allowed to read them.)

I was not popular in high school. I don't regret this, I would've had to be a completely different person to be one of the popular kids, and I sort of am fond of the girl I was or at least who she turned out to be. So, no, I do not wish to go back and change my status in high school...but it doesn't mean that there wasn't a part of me in high school that longed to be popular and date the popular boys. I longed for it so hard. And a part of that has never gone away. I still wish to be one of the popular kids, and I still get my feelings hurt when someone I view as one of the cool kids ignores me or very clearly doesn't really like me or obviously does not think I am quite cool enough. Well, I'll tell you what...I am a big hit with my family, my friends, and my boyfriend. And I bet some of the people that come and take class from me think that I'm a cool kid.

If you're like me and sometimes wish to be one of the cool kids...guess what? You probably are. At least to me, and I think that counts.