I just started writing an email someone I haven't seen/talked to in a year. And I didn't send that one because the reason it's been so long is because that person just faded from my life by their own choice. So I figured it is not my responsibility to extend an offer of friendship after all this time, especially cause I tried so hard back then to keep them in my life.
I guess what I'm confused about is why I don't send all those other emails, the ones that are to people that would probably like to hear from me, because I would love to hear from them? What am I afraid of? Is it still rejection after all these years? I thought I'd gotten mostly over that long ago.
I used to be so afraid that my friends really didn't want to hang out with me, I would never be the one to make the plans. I didn't have this fear in elementary/middle school, for some reason it started in high school. I had amazing friends in high school, but I did not believe in myself, did not like myself really, so how could I really believe that these other amazing people really wanted to be around me by choice. I never was the one who called up and asked them to come over and hang out.
Anyhow, it took me a long time to get over that and I'm proud to say that I now truly do believe in and love who I am. So, I guess it goes back to the question....what am I afraid of?