Sweet Dreams... are not something I regularly have

I have scary dreams a lot. It's why I try not to watch crime shows or anything too close to bed time...I will make those shows into my dreams and I will wind up being the main character of some horrific story. It's stressful and I've lost a lot of good sleep that way, and sure do love sleeping. Therefore, I cut out the scary/stressful shows.

However last night I had one of the most terrifying dreams I have ever had and I have no idea where it came from. I was having to get my right leg amputated at the knee, I have no idea why. But I was scared and I was destroyed. I was crying and crying and crying, there would be no more dancing for me..there wouldn't even be any more walking, I was going to have to be in a wheelchair. During my dream I was in the chair/bed type thing getting ready for the surgery except they weren't knocking me out. They were giving me small doses of drugs; they wanted to give me just enough to where I would be okay with them cutting into me. Except every time they would start I could still feel it and I would scream for them to stop, begging them to give me more drugs or put me under. But they wouldn't. I luckily woke up before the procedure was finished. Unluckily I woke up at 4am and my heart was racing so fast that I could not get back to sleep.

I looked up at dreamdictionary.com what it means....and apparently it stands for feeling limited in movements and where I want to go in life. Except I don't think I feel that way, I feel pretty good about the movement I making in getting to where I want to be in my life. Hmmm.

A few things to start off the week

Sometimes I look at those legs over there on the side of my blog and get a little jealous. I want them to be my legs, because then that would mean I would own those socks (and beautiful hard wood floors). Alas, they are not my legs, I could probably go out and find me some socks like that and make my leg's dreams come true...but I'm too lazy to go on that search. I am even too lazy to search the internets for them...and I do believe that that's the definition of lazy right there.

In other news....I am totally loving the new format of So You Think You Can Dance. I do not love all the finalists, nor do I love all the All Stars (Comfort, I'm talking to you) but I love the show so much I just wish it could be on every night for my viewing pleasure! Also, I can never get enough of talking about it...so if you would like to chat me up about it sometime I am all ears (and eyes.)

Oh, remember when I said that I found that I could motivate myself to work out if I just reminded myself that my parents worked out everyday? Yeah...that quit working. I need new motivation cause I'm just not finding it on my own. The weather isn't helping out either...it's just motivating me to stay in sweats...and I totally don't need to be in shape to wear sweats.

Lucky You

I just turned in my portfolio for Poetry, putting it together I realized that I really liked some of the things I had written and they were all pretty different. I don't want to lose this form of expression, and I believe that just like everything else, if you don't practice you won't get better. So, I've made the decision to dedicate a post each week to a poem. I'm going to try to continue expanding my knowledge on different forms and styles. It's like I'm putting myself is summer school, for fun.

Here is one to start us off:

Lost, and finally found

I followed the wrong star home
and ended up here
stars dancing under my feet
water holding it’s breath above my head
I’m afraid to move (or even breathe)
I might upset the balance that’s so precariously upheld

This place is nothing like the one I know
where magic isn’t possible
and gravity is never defied
where people move forward, determined looks
and frown lines etched deep into their skin
they never look up to see another’s eyes

I followed the wrong star home
and I think I’ll stay here
until the moon tells me it’s safe
or the sun urges me awake

Judgement is swift and fair

I can be judgmental. I try not to be but sometimes I have to be. It reminds me of this:

(from storypeople)

I think there are some people who just want to be judged an idiot. Otherwise they just wouldn't do and say stupid things. But since they do I feel it's my right, nay, my obligation to judge them. I know that when I do or say something ridiculous that other people are sure to be judging me so really it's only fair that I return the favor.

Dear friends,

I am going to do a little bit of bragging for myself because I'm proud of some things I've done, and I've learned that often times if you don't toot your own horn no one else is gonna do it for you. The noise that horn makes sure sounds good sometimes.

I am getting close to ending my third quarter back in college. I am an old college student, but everyday I am proud of the fact that I am back in school finishing what I started all those years ago. This quarter I took two writing courses, and I've shared some of what I've written on this here blog page. It was scary for me to share what I wrote, because I'd never had to do that before, in the past my papers had been between me and my professors, I did not have to worry about anyone else seeing them.

Today I got back one of the papers I had written, something that was unlike anything I had written before. It was a short story, very short, it was only 5 pages long. However, on the very last page my professor had written this: "Absolutely brilliant! Bravo! I love this - and Nora's daughter's story! I'm in awe!" I think I teared up a little bit when I read that. Something I wrote was brilliant? I could put someone in awe? Unbelievable.

Friends, I wrote a story and someone thought it was brilliant. And even though it was a very short story and even if no one else ever sees it I am proud of myself for that.

Love,

Jill

P.S. - Being proud of yourself feels really good...you should be proud of yourself too, share what you're proud of and I'll proud of you too :)