I have MOVED!

To a new place on the internets. I am really excited about, will you be excited with me and come visit? I sure hope so! You can find me at:

jilldickman.com

So exciting, right?

It's still all me, all the time, just in a different place. 

If everyone knew about this but me I'm gonna be pissed that no one told me.

I have a new favorite thing.

That thing is my newly downloaded app called Songza. 

This is my new friend, he picks music for me.

Am I late to the game? Probably. I don't have very many apps on my phone. Most of the space is reserved for auditory pleasures like music and podcasts. I play Solitaire on my phone, but that's about the only game - all my other apps are for pictures or watching shows/movies. However, I realized yesterday that there was a lot of space being used up by podcasts that I'd already listened too but hadn't deleted yet...so I cleaned house and found room for a new app. I picked a musical one because I'm slightly obsessed.

So, there are a ton of things you can pick from on this thing. It's way more fun (to me) than Pandora, and I don't think I've listened to a single playlist for longer than 10 minutes because I'm just so curious as to what else is on here and I want to find out all about it RIGHT NOW! A few minutes ago I was listening to a playlist called "Freaks like me" - bands who were eccentric, but not outsiders, I am currently listening to "New Artists to Watch" - indie bands posed to take the scene. Last night I listened to "It's Thursday night, play music for unwinding" - you can pick the day/time of day and then what sort of mood you're in - from there you get a few different options of playlists. Seriously, it's never ending.

I'm obsessed.

Coconut Dreams

Remember when I mentioned last week that I had started a new thing called "oil pulling"?

This is the kind of oil I'm using

I said I'd update if I started seeing any benefits, and besides whiter teeth I have had other big and exciting result. I have started sleeping through the night without the aid of a sleeping pill. For a long time I have not been able to sleep without help. Falling asleep has always been difficult for me, staying asleep has been the bigger issue though and if I wake up in the middle of the night it's almost impossible for me to fall back to sleep if I hadn't taken a sleeping pill before going to bed. I'm not talking about a hard core pill, just unisom or zzzquil, over the counter sleep-aid but it's always done the trick. However in the past week I have slept through the night, or been able to fall right back to sleep after waking up, four times. The only thing I've been doing differently is the oil pulling, so even though it seems like a sort of strange side-effect, I believe that it's responsible. I could not be more thrilled. I'm still surprised how quickly the twenty minutes goes by. Now, every morning before I even have my first cup of coffee I've finished twenty minutes of cleaning - of both my body and my house.

I can't handle it

Do you know what I love doing at the end of the day? Watching TV. Do you know what I hate while trying to enjoy my television? Previews of scary, demon movies.

They should not be allowed. I mean, seriously, they are terrifying and if I don't turn my head fast enough I'm haunted by the images. There's no way for me to turn down the volume fast enough, and even if I wanted to I'd have to turn my head back towards the TV to grab the remote.

I might have to start doing what my parents used to (and STILL) do and mute, or turn off, the TV during commercials. They mute/turn off the TV to avoid seeing things like: Victoria Secret ads, or other such scantly clad humans...I don't care so much about that, in fact I quite enjoy ads like that - they are great motivation for my personal fitness goals.

Still, I wish there was some way for me to set a PG rating censorship on my commercials.

I have a hard enough time having dreams that aren't nightmares, I don't need images and sounds supplied to me on a regular basis.

I bet you wish you had been around to see this..

Today was a strange day. I don't set my alarm clock very often, especially not on a Monday...but today was a holiday/no school day so, we had earlier practice and then I had the afternoon off. I still needed to teach my regular class at the studio tonight so as I was walking to the bus stop I went over the choreography in my head. I thought I might need a few extra phrases of choreography so I started thinking about what I already had, and what made sense coming next. I was going over it again, and again, when suddenly I realized my review had stopped being only in my head. I was doing full on arms while walking down the street. And it was contemporary so it was all slow and heartfelt. Plus, I was on a busy street so there's that added bonus piece of the puzzle.
I wish I could say this was the first time, and I wish I could convince myself it would be the last. But, those would be lies, and I do my best not to be a liar.

Life on Shuffle

Random picture of a sunny, winter day.

When I leave my house, before I'm even to the end of my driveway I have my earbuds in. Mostly, as I walk I listen to podcasts, sometimes I'm doing choreography so I'm listening to one song on repeat and trying to visualize a dance in my head, other times I'm obsessed with a certain artist or song so I listen to it on repeat and sing if no one else is around, I hardly ever just put my music on "shuffle" and let it be because I feel like my i-tunes has a really hard time getting my mood right so I wind up hitting "next" over and over until I find the right song. However, yesterday I was feeling adventurous as I headed out to the High School to prep for today's competition so, I decided I was going to put it on "shuffle" and not do any skipping, I was going to listen to whatever came on. And it was like magic...so magical in fact that I felt the need to take note of the playlist and share with my friends on the internets. I'm posting the songs with links in case you want to take your ears on the same musical journey mine went one.

The Cure - Tegan and Sara
Breakthru - Natasha Bedingfield
Kiss with a fist - Florence and the Machine
I'm not your hero - Tegan and Sara
Elements - A Fine Frenzy
Watering hole - Missy Higgins
Arrow - Tegan and Sara
Primadonna - Marina and the Diamonds
I run empty - Tegan and Sara
Dancehall queen - Robyn

As you can see Tegan and Sara was on heavy rotation, those songs were exactly what I needed yesterday. Somehow my shuffle knew, I might play that game with myself more often and see if it can do it again.

Things that make me happy and then really, really sad...

So this week for podclub we listened to a new podcast for me, Our Hen House, and while I enjoyed listening I don't think it's going to make it into my regular listening. The first, and final, portion of the program  was primarily about their wedding and I loved it. I thought the way they talked to each other, and about their day was adorable and sweet and it made me so very, very happy. However, the middle of it they talked to Dylan Powell about Marineland's cruel treatment of animals and I think I almost vomited while simultaneously crying on the bus. How do the people in charge of Marineland, or any other zoo/animal park, get to the point where they allow such things to happen, turn a blind eye, and support such treatment? Have they brainwashed themselves into somehow not feeling, not caring, or does it go so far that they actually believe they are in the right? It makes me sad, and it makes me mad, but it also makes me glad that there are people out there who are standing up against them and trying to change things. Dylan Powell was very well spoken, he was passionate and driven...animals need more people like him to help them out. For my part I do the best I can to make sure my two animals are very well loved and taken care of...and I think I do a pretty good job since most people think they are spoiled.

Elliot likes to lay like this...but do not be mistaken, he does NOT want his belly rubbed.
Emma is such a lady, and she would ALWAYS like her belly rubbed.

Something new

A couple new things today. First up is the pod-club pick of the week. It comes to us from an entirely new source for me, recommended by fellow pod-clubber Rachael. I have, in the past, thoroughly enjoyed all her recommendations and I fully believe this will be no different. Introducing:

Episode 161: "I don't believe in the concept of hell, but if I did, I would think of it as filled with people who were cruel to animals."

(listen for free either through the link or on i-Tunes)

If you feel like being adventurous with me this week, please join us in listening to this podcast and then you can share your thoughts with us Friday. Or, if you are super private, you can just keep them to yourself.

Here is my other new thing this week: I have started oil pulling. I kept running into things about it on my searches through the internet so when I saw Coconut oil at Fred Meyer I decided I would try it out. I have also used the oil as a pre-wash conditioner on my hair and loved the results, so I will for sure be doing that at least once a week. So far I have only completed the oil-pulling twice and it was much easier than I'd anticipated. When I read that it needed to be done first thing in the morning for 15-20 minutes I was all "uhm, that's a long time." But, I've found that it goes by super fast. I put the oil in my mouth as soon as I roll out of bed, before my morning pee, and by the time I'm done making coffee, feeding the cats, tidying up the kitchen a bit - I am almost done. My main reason to try it out was to see if it would help my teeth and gums, I think two days in is a little soon to say whether or not it's working but I will keep you updated. If you want to read more about it for yourself here is an small, easy to read article:

Heal and Detox with Oil Pulling: the what, why and how

New things are fun! Are you doing anything new?

Could I be any more obvious?

Have I mentioned before how my life is fueled by music? I have? Well, then my thought process in this post should make total sense.

The other day I redeveloped my love for Lily Allen and discovered my love of Kate Miller-Heidke; they both reminded me that I used to be much sassier and that I used to be able to enjoy the male population however I deemed necessary at the time. I have listened to the following songs so many times in the past few days that were they tapes the ribbon would have worn out...but luckily they are digital recordings and they can't even get scratched or skip. Hooray technology!

Kate Miller-Heidke - God's Gift to Women

Lily Allen - Never Gonna Happen

I really wish that sending someone lyrics was an appropriate way to communicate because I can always find a song that says what I'm wanting to say in a much better way. 

If you're happy and you know it...

I've been thinking about something lately, I don't have it all worked out yet but I'm hoping that typing words will help me sort it all out.

I take joy in a lot of things. I notice the warmth and weight of my blankets in the morning as I wake up, I relish in the moments that my girl kitty cuddles up next to me, I smile as my hips pop when I stretch...and this is all before I even get out of bed. I then go on to thoroughly, but momentarily, hate the cold tile floor under my feet as I make coffee. But then I go back to enjoying things...like actually drinking my coffee, checking my emails, catching up on shows from the night before. I am completely entertained listening to podcasts, creating fake music videos in my head, giving myself fancy make-up for no reason, reading....
Needless to say I consider myself someone who is easily entertained, a girl who loves to laugh and just enjoy whatever is happening.
I recently met and spent some time around someone who made me question myself. This person was EXCITED about everything. And, I do mean everything. Was I excited to be watching a movie I'd seen tens of times? Not necessarily. Was I happy to be watching it? Yes. Did I enjoy the movie? Absolutely. But excited? No. How about eating a burrito, was I excited to be eating it? Nope. Was I glad I had food to eat that tasted good? Yup, but still not excited. What I've come to is this: if everything is exciting then, in essence, nothing is exciting. So, while I can find entertainment, joy, happiness, and sometimes sadness in the little things - I am convinced that saving my excitement for the bigger things is the way to go.
I am in touch with my feelings, I feel the appropriate things at the appropriate times for the appropriate things. However, I think some people might be well served in checking this chart:

Did eating that burrito make you feel aroused, perky, or antsy? Hmmm...probably not, or at least I hope not. did it perhaps instead make you feel satisfied or contented? Then maybe you should just stick to the word "happy." 

Is there some reason that being "happy" isn't good enough? If I make it to the end of the day and I can say it was a good one, that it was fulfilling, satisfying and happy then I think that is a successful day. Even if I've had a mostly sad day but I can realize that doesn't mean my next day has to be the same, I count that day as a success. I do not need every day, or every moment of the day to be exciting and I think that is as it should be.

Coin Toss

There isn't an official pod-club pick this week so, I'm taking this opportunity to do something a little different but still related. Last week I listened to this podcast from Freakonomics. I think you should listen to it, but if you don't feel like it I'll sum it up for ya. It is a collection of stories where people make big life choices based on a coin toss. They then reveal that they have decided to create an experiment where they will flip a virtual coin for you to help you make up your mind.
Are you thinking of making a big (or small) life choice but you can't seem to make up your mind? Let's let them help us out.

Heads or Tails?

I am going to do it. I have a few things I would like someone else to decide for me and I do not mind supporting Freakonomics since they have entertained me for many hours and taught me many, many things. Will you play along with me, please? If so, you should tell me about it.

For....

I just finished watching Harry Potter 7.2, for maybe the millionth time after reading the books a thousand and one times. I sat with tears streaking my face for the entire second half of the movie and I thought to myself: "really Jill, after all this time?" And I answered, "Always."

Wiggle Waggle

I have been stung by bees twice in my life. Most recently, last summer and it was painful. I cursed the bee that got me and felt a little satisfaction that the bee would soon be dead because it's stinger was left in my calf.
So, I wasn't sure I wanted to learn more about these little buggers but I like "Stuff You Should Know" so I knew I would entertained. I had no idea I would actually wind up thinking "oh, that's cute" or "hmmm, that's sad" while learning about bees.
Did you listen this week? If so, you probably know what I thought was so cute...bees dancing. Did you know bees dance? They do, and it's called the "waggle dance." Is that not the cutest name for an informative dance you've ever heard?

The Waggle Dance:

I don't think any of them are going to win on So You Think You Can Dance anytime soon but they sure know how to shake their money makers. I also love how attentive all the other bees are, I wonder if they ever get stage fright with that many pairs of eyes on them.

The thing I thought was sad? Solitary bees lay their little bee eggs and then just go off and die. The little bee mamas never meet the babies and the babies never have mamas. I got a little sad, but then I realized that they probably don't even have the part of the brain necessary to feel those emotions so they don't even feel sad...so why should I feel sad? I got over it. Mostly.

The other thing this episode made me want to do was go out and buy more honey. Yes, even after listening to the facts that really honey is just bee vomit. Which, is gross but delicious. I'm gonna go have some honey right now, in my coffee, and then I'm going to head on over to see what Just Me Actually had to say about bees this week. It's probably something wonderful.

BEES! Let's learn about 'em...

With less than a million neurons in their tiny head, bees shouldn't be able to do much more than eat, sleep and reproduce. And yet, bees are capable of high functions like population economics and navigating by the sun on overcast days. 

Stuff You Should Know

listen here, at this link, or as always it's free on i-Tunes

I like learning about things, do you? Let's learn some things together!

Deception

There were a couple of things that stood out to me in this week's pod club pick. Off topic, and not relating to the subject at all, is this: I love Ira Glass' voice. And, I know this was a really old episode but it was one I hadn't listened to before, and I'm glad I hadn't because I feel I got more out of it at this time in my life than I would've at some other previous time.
Here is what went through my head as I listened:
There have been many times in my life where I have had to: "fake it til you make it." In a way this is a kind of self-deception, as well as deception to those around me. However, if I had not faked it there would have been no way I could have succeeded in my task. Sometimes, you have to first convince yourself of something before you can actually become it. For example: when I first started teaching dance I was terrified to be up in front of the class, I was afraid the class wouldn't like my choreography, or they wouldn't like me...but I had to get up in front of the room and pretend to be Miss Confident otherwise there was no way any of those people would come back to learn from me. But eventually I started to believe that what I was doing was actually awesome and wonderful...in other words, I became what I convinced myself I was.

My biggest ah-ha moment came though, after listing to David Sedaris tell his story about being mistaken for a pick-pocket while living in Paris. Here was a story about a successful comedian/author who had to stand on a train and listen to two people (who mistakenly thought he was French and wouldn't understand English) call him names and throw accusations around about how he was supposedly trying to steal the woman's wallet. Did he berate them back in English? Make them feel like fools? Try to change their opinions of who or what he was? No. No, he did not. He got off at his stop with his boyfriend and went about his day. I realized after listening to this that he did not care in the least what those strangers thought about him. He knew he was not a pick-pocket, he knew who he was and he didn't need to try to convince strangers of it. What other people think of you does not make it true or real. It shouldn't bother you or take up space in your mind. If what others think of you is founded on false pretenses then there isn't much you can do to change it. All any of us can do is know who we are, what we are, and not worry if those around us have misguided notions.

Did you listen this week? What did you think? Let's go find out what Rachael thought about it...

Pod-club BFFs: Rachael and Jill

Hello, again.

Hello! I've been on an extended hiatus from writing, but I'm back now. And I figured the best way for me to re-enter the writing world was to start but up with a Pod-club pick. It's  not a super adventurous pick but I know it's one that I'll (and hopefully, you'll) love.

Three Kinds of Deception
A story of self-deception, a story about deceiving others, and a story about accidental deception. And how one type of deception can easily turn into another.







I'll be back on Friday to wrap up my thoughts on the listening but hopefully I'll have some words to say about regular life before then.

Mostly Pictures

I haven't posted anything. I've been very negletful. Right now I am supposed to be packing so that I can get up at 4:30 to catch a train to Portland for the next week and a half. I am very excited but that doesn't mean I am excited about packing and cleaning. So, I'm taking a break to post some pictures from the past few days. Hopefully the pictures make up for the lack of words. 

Yesterday I decided to try something new with my hair. I tried to make it into a bow - it looked super simple on pinterest. But, pinterest lied. Or maybe my hair is still too short and layered. Either way, to achieve this look took some bobby pins, a lot of hairspray, and a little bit of magic. And even though it was only my family who saw me, I say it was worth it.

This is Katelyn's eating Cheetos face. It's a pretty good face. She is quite precocious for an almost two year old. She is definitely in charge of things. She is also very sweet and doles out the tiniest, squeeziest hugs ever.  I absolutely adore getting pulled around by her going wherever her little voice commands.

  

Every Christmas Eve Santa comes. He has for as long as I can remember. He doesn't give me a present any more, but I do get a candy cane. It is now super fun getting to watch all the kids get excited, and then scared to sit on his lap, and then excited again to open their presents. This is one of my favorite traditions.

I still get a stocking from Santa. Every year when I go over to my parent's on Christmas morning it's there waiting for me. This year I got some new lotion and it smells amazing. I also got a lot of candy that I don't need to eat but will.

But the best thing about Christmas this year was that it started snowing in the morning and by the afternoon the view from my parent's back window looked something like this:

A winter Wonderland.

Happiness is possible

I was doing my Sunday morning routine, reading PostSecret and drinking coffee. I'd gotten through looking at the actual postcards submitted and came across the following letter at the bottom of the page:

-----Email-----
I was at the PostSecret Event in London. I didn't find the courage to go up to the microphone, but if I had been able to, this is what I would have said.
I spent so long feeling guilty, feeling ashamed of my sadness, and you know what? It just made me sadder. You are allowed to be sad, you are allowed to be angry, you're allowed to be depressed. We all deserve to feel our own sadness in our own time.
Something you will have heard before - you deserve to be happy. That, of course, is not always easy to hear, especially in the depths of depression - so let me add something. You deserve to be happy - but you don't have to be happy right now or all the time.
It is okay to be sad, it's okay to not be ready to be happy yet. One day you will be ready to recover - that day doesn't have to be today or even tomorrow, as long as you know and trust me that it will come.
It's okay not to be okay.
Thanks for everything Frank,
Holly, London
P.S My secret is that I decided last night that I'm ready to recover and it's going to be incredible.

I can't tell you how touched I was, but I can tell you that I wish I would have read these words a long time ago. My eyes filled up with tears at the simple statement "you deserve to be happy." I, finally, can believe those words again, but there was a long time, a very long time, when I didn't or couldn't believe them. My sadness was all-encompassing but I was lucky enough to be surrounded by friends who always encouraged me to feel my feelings and that it was okay. They supported me and loved me even when I had nothing to give back. Not everyone is as lucky as I am though and too often people suffering from depression are made to feel like they need to "snap out of it" and just get happy. I wanted to share this letter today in the hopes that maybe someone else needs these words, either for themselves or to better understand someone in their life.

Pod Club: The Two Moons

I'm sorry I'm late with this, and I'm even more sorry that I'm not really writing a post but instead copying from pod club genius Rachael at Just Me Acutally:

Today I'm asking you to take a chance on a podcast that might not be something you'd listen to normally. I promise you don't have to be a Buddhist or even someone who practices meditation to get a lot of insight from these Dharma talks. When I first started listening, I was only meditating for a few minutes once in a while and I still loved listening to these insightful talks. I prefer to listen to this one on my hikes. Being out in nature with words of wisdom flowing into my ears is the highlight of my day. Give it a try won't you?

Audio Dharma: The Two Moons

Although I am currently wrapped up in exciting things that I'll hopefully share with the internets soon I did take the time to listen to this yesterday and can say that it's well worth your time. Please join us, listening to new things is fun.

I'm Alive Enough. Are you?

I stay pretty connected to my electronic devices. There is hardly a moment during any given day where I'm not listening to music or a podcast, catching up on shows via Hulu or Netflix, playing solitaire  checking Instagram....I don't text very often though and I'm rarely talking on the phone. I've wondered to  myself even before listening to this week's pod club pick if I should cut back on the amount of time I spend with my electronics...computer included. And I guess the answer for me is no, I feel pretty okay with the amount of time I spend with my devices and away from them as well. What I heard most in this podcast was that there needs to be times/places where phones/electronics are not allowed, most of those times/places had to do with family settings and I've got that under control. I also don't have my phone out during dance team, and it's used during teaching only to play the music I need to do the teaching. When I'm babysitting or at family dinner my phone is usually tucked away unless I'm taking pictures and I think that's acceptable. Do I sound like I'm justifying my electronic habit? Maybe I am, but I shouldn't have to. I've learned a lot of really great things listening to podcasts and heard a lot of things that have been insightful and mind-expanding; I've also calmed a lot of nerves, stopped panic-attacks, cheered myself up, and motivated myself listening to music.

Often times, especially lately, it's difficult for me to be alone with my own mind for company. I know what's in there and it's not necessarily that I'm trying to hide from it, it's just that sometimes I need a break. I'm in touch with my thoughts, my feelings, my opinions - maybe even at times too much - the good, the bad, the happy, the sad, the pretty, the ugly...they're all in there and I give them all attention. But, for me to be able to live every day, move forward, be the person I know I want to be, I sometimes need to turn off all those things and I don't know about you but I think there is a sort of peace in that. I need to be able to find peace in listening to someone else talk or sing, or watch a show that makes me laugh. And my personal opinion is that these things actually help me feel more alive because they remind me to laugh, to think, to keep feeling, to keep growing. But I think it's all about finding balance, and for me I'm okay with the balance I have between electronics - books - dance - coaching - family - personal time, and until I feel otherwise I'm gonna keep on keepin on.

Would I feel "naked" if I left my phone at home accidentally? Probably, and maybe that's not a good sign but I'd also feel "naked" if I left home without my square ring on my left middle finger. Who's to say what's right or what's wrong? We have to be in charge of ourselves and keep on checking in with ourselves so that our habits don't wind up controlling us without us even knowing.

(now let's use our computers or phones to go check out what Rachael and Leah had to say about this week's pod club listen.)